DON'T SQUAT WITH YOUR SPURS ON:
A COWBOY'S GUIDE TO LIFE

(by: Texas Bix Bender)

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

There's more ways to skin a cat than stickin' his head in a boot jack and jerkin' on his tail.

Some ranchers raise pigs and some will even admit it. Either way, they're raisin' pigs.

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Generally, you ain't learnin' nothin' when your mouth is a-jawin'.

Tellin' a man to go to hell and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.

Generally speakin', fancy titles and nightshirts are a waste of time.

Trust everybody in the game, but always cut the cards.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

If you're gonna go... go like hell. If your mind's not made up, don't use your spurs.